I HAVE to vent..
Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 11:12 pm
OK, no one has to read this I just have to type it our say it or something before i end up having 9898 panic attacks or doing something beyond stupid..
Ok awhile back i was in a horrible accident (the 13th of this month will make it 2 years) It bruised my lung, cracked my scapula.. and gave me three compression fractures in my spine..
well the surgeon said "its in the worst place possible in your back"
I'll have to get surgery or it will get worse..
this condition is hell on earth.. it keeps me cooped up inside hurting so bad that I don't care if im dead or alive sometimes.. sometimes i hope for death just to stop the agony..
well I came across 2.5 methadones today.. b/c i had a seizure last night and the pain in my back was doubled along with every single muscle in my body hurts so bad...
well we have this far in my town that i NEVER miss I spend so much time in the house.. just wishing I could get out and do something..
well the fair, that would have been great if I could have gotten more for then.. the half life would make it work better.. I would be able to walk around and talk to friends and just not have to think about how much i hate my life for a change..
well the guy i get my methadones from ALWAYS has them.. I would have saved them for tomorrow (the fair in this town I love it b/c i get to hang out with friends) well my back NEVER lets me enjoy a damn thing.. It's really fucked up..
the seizure I had last night had me aching all over... it caused me to fall out of bed which hurt my back more..
so now i go by dudes house to get 3 of them to make sure it helps more and he said he can't help me.. i brought 35 dollars and 4 blue xanax's in case he didn't want... he has access to a ton of them and he charges double for what he pays..
so tomorrow instead of being at the fair enjoying myself I'm going to be cooped up in the house so depressed that I wont care if im alive or dead just so the agony will stop I hate thinking like this.. I hate not having any income. i hate not having insurance for the needed medications..
I hate how things go.. they always go like that
Seriously guys, please be thankful if you don't suffer from chronic pain.. it makes your life a living hell.. I'd be happier if i just had insurance and a script that could make the pain manageable.. but SSI keeps denying me ... I haven't had any recent x-rays or MRI's to show them that it is the way it is now.. so they sent a letter saying they aren't going to reconsider my case when the longer i go without surgery the worse it's going to get... I don't understand why shit has to go in such a fucked up way...
fuck it all.
if anyone read that thanks for taking the time to read.. i just needed to vent bad i know this forum isn't for venting personal life things.. but i had to get it out... so MOD you can delete this seen how it doesn't really belong here..
Ok awhile back i was in a horrible accident (the 13th of this month will make it 2 years) It bruised my lung, cracked my scapula.. and gave me three compression fractures in my spine..
well the surgeon said "its in the worst place possible in your back"
I'll have to get surgery or it will get worse..
this condition is hell on earth.. it keeps me cooped up inside hurting so bad that I don't care if im dead or alive sometimes.. sometimes i hope for death just to stop the agony..
well I came across 2.5 methadones today.. b/c i had a seizure last night and the pain in my back was doubled along with every single muscle in my body hurts so bad...
well we have this far in my town that i NEVER miss I spend so much time in the house.. just wishing I could get out and do something..
well the fair, that would have been great if I could have gotten more for then.. the half life would make it work better.. I would be able to walk around and talk to friends and just not have to think about how much i hate my life for a change..
well the guy i get my methadones from ALWAYS has them.. I would have saved them for tomorrow (the fair in this town I love it b/c i get to hang out with friends) well my back NEVER lets me enjoy a damn thing.. It's really fucked up..
the seizure I had last night had me aching all over... it caused me to fall out of bed which hurt my back more..
so now i go by dudes house to get 3 of them to make sure it helps more and he said he can't help me.. i brought 35 dollars and 4 blue xanax's in case he didn't want... he has access to a ton of them and he charges double for what he pays..
so tomorrow instead of being at the fair enjoying myself I'm going to be cooped up in the house so depressed that I wont care if im alive or dead just so the agony will stop I hate thinking like this.. I hate not having any income. i hate not having insurance for the needed medications..
I hate how things go.. they always go like that
Seriously guys, please be thankful if you don't suffer from chronic pain.. it makes your life a living hell.. I'd be happier if i just had insurance and a script that could make the pain manageable.. but SSI keeps denying me ... I haven't had any recent x-rays or MRI's to show them that it is the way it is now.. so they sent a letter saying they aren't going to reconsider my case when the longer i go without surgery the worse it's going to get... I don't understand why shit has to go in such a fucked up way...
fuck it all.
if anyone read that thanks for taking the time to read.. i just needed to vent bad i know this forum isn't for venting personal life things.. but i had to get it out... so MOD you can delete this seen how it doesn't really belong here..